Saturday, 19 May 2018

My Battle with Anxiety...


Hey Loves!
I've been thinking about writing this post for a while. Considering its Mental Health Awareness week, I thought I would share with you my battle with Anxiety, and how I cope with it.

I was never officially diagnosed with Anxiety, I'd had a lot of symptoms of it in my previous employment. I worked for my previous employer for a year, I'm not going to say the actual time period, or who it was that I worked for, or the people that made me feel the way I felt. I loved the role I was doing, I was happiest when I was interacting with customers, or doing research and learning more to do better in my role. The downside of that role, was the targets. I honestly struggled to hit them in some months.

A few months into my role, I began to get terrified of going into work. I would say to my mum that I wasn't feeling a hundred percent if a particular person was going to be working that day. I'd leave for work, feeling sick, I'd start shaking, have headaches, cry, and sometimes make myself physically sick on the journey to work. I'd come home in tears too, if the pressure of being around that person got too much. There was one day in particular that I was working all day with said person, I was literally running round like a headless chicken all day, helping customers, answering the phones, emails and all that jazz, and this person was literally sat on his arse watching BBC Iplayer and occasionally answering the phone or email. When I asked for help, they'd get annoyed saying 'I should know how to do what I was asking for help with'. I remember going into the back room and rang both my mum and my dad in tears, hyperventilating because I'd been pushed over the edge, I'd been going non stop, whilst this person was pretty much doing jack shit. I said to my parents, I will leave if I have to, one day I'm going to get pushed so far over the edge that I crack and walk'.

I did leave that company. The day I left felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. But there are still days that my anxiety flares up. Days where I'm anxious if I'm put in new situations, where I isolate myself, and some situations where I do feel sick to my stomach. But there are good days too, especially when I'm around my mum, or my best friend Chloe. Both of them are my absolute rocks, who helped me get through working there, and my family too.

I've found ways to cope with Anxiety such as talking to people like my Mum and Dad and Chloe; listening to music, my current favourite artists are Sammy Wilk, Jack and Jack, Against the Current and Ariana Grande, and writing, whether that be for my blog or in a journal.

If you feel that you have anxiety, please talk to someone, or if you want any further information on Anxiety please go to https://www.anxietyuk.org.uk/

Signing off for now, 



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